All too often we hear, or say, things like “I wish I could…” or “I don’t have the money to…”. The reality (yes, we know our realities can be a bit harsh) is that you can, and you do.
If you’re one of many who finds yourself saying “I don’t have enough money to….”. The odds are that you may not have it right this very moment or maybe you do. You just place a higher priority on other things.
My friend Elise said she didn’t have the money to go back to school, as she was spending $300.00 on a purse that she just had to have. I remember staring at her like I had just seen an alien. My work has always been fascinating to me. I’m always intrigued by how we’ve been conditioned to think in our society. How she could say that she didn’t have money for school yet spend $300.00 on a bag to carry stuff around in baffled me. Yes, the cost of education was much greater than $300.00. However, if these were her usual spending habits she could very quickly save the money to go to school, or get student loans, or grants, or borrowed the money from family. Elise had several options to “have the money”.
While she said she wished she had the money to go to further her education, the reality was that she prioritized name brand clothing and accessories over education. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean she was a bad person or spent her money foolishly. (Or maybe it does to you if you’re rule is that one must save and go to college.) What it simply meant was that adding to her wardrobe on a regular basis was a greater priority.
The “I can’t-ers” of this world seem to thrive on finding reasons why they can’t achieve, obtain, or simply just do something. I can’t finish reading because it’s too loud in here. I can’t make it tonight because I have to work. I can’t get up early because I’m a night person. I think I’ve heard, and maybe even said, them all. I used to claim the “I’m a night person” reason. The truth was I just valued sleeping in more than I did getting up early to get the day started. I actually still do. I prefer quite time at night. I love to be in the zone in the evening. While I prefer to work late into the evening, I actually work very few evenings now. Because I’ve learned to prioritize. I have 3 children and 6 grandchildren. My priorities have changed. Sure, I could still work 60 hours a week, make more money, have more things, but my priority is time with my family. It trumps all in my priorities.
Here’s the key to determining and setting your priorities. Understanding that they are directly tied to your values.
What are your priorities? Whatever they are, we can assure you that you are placing priority on what you find the most value in. If you value a healthy body, eating well and exercising is probably high on your list of priorities. If you value things I bet you have plenty of them.
If you chose to give up a traditional career to raise your children, you simply found more value in raising your children than following that path.
If you work 80 hours a week it may be that you value the income that’s provided by your work and the food, clothing, shelter, and fun experiences that the income provides for your family.
Listen, we all have different things we place value on. It doesn’t make any one of us right or wrong. It just makes us different. You need to have a deep understanding of what you find valuable. It’s not a simple task to discover for most of us.
Below is a chart that will help you set your priorities.
In the first column “with who and on what am I’m spending my time and energy now” write down everything and everyone that you are currently spending time on or with.
In the second column “who and what I cherish or value”. Write down the people in your life or the things that you truly value and cherish.
In the third column titled “The shift in Behaviors that must be made to spend my time on who and what I value” write down what actions you must take, what behaviors you must change, what habits you must create to align what you value with the time you are spending on it.
If what you’re spending your time and energy on now, watching television, or engaging in social media for hours every evening, yet, what you cherish is time with your family, the disconnect becomes very apparent. The challenge is to make an intentional and immediate change. Now comes the shift. You must determine what you value more, your family, or downtime to relax.
Once you’ve made the decision (remember, thought, decision, action) it’s time to take action. What are the actionable things that you can do to either spend more time with your family (schedule time on your calendar, ask your family to give you suggestions, plan a weekly game night…) OR give yourself permission to watch a couple of hours of television every night.
The simple and not easy task at hand is to change the behavior and begin to change the actions to align with your priorities or be honest with yourself about the priority.
I had a client that mentioned on several occasions that she wished she could spend more time with her boys. The reality was that she could spend more time with them. She was choosing to spend time working on her business (without even realizing it). She made a few adjustments in her schedule (time blocking, delegating, and prioritizing) within a month she was able to spend about 10 more hours a week with her children. You see, the challenge wasn’t time. It was her lack of priority. What changed? Her mindset. She consciously and intentionally made her children a priority, and then changed the behaviors and actions, sought out the help of others, and ultimately made time with her children a priority.
I have a friend who’s said to me for years “I wish I had more time to spend with my animals.” This is the same friend who watches two to four hours of television every evening.
The truth is he does have the time. He just makes watching television and relaxing a higher priority.
I worked with a young woman who on a regular basis made her discontent known about her salary with all her piers (and anyone else who would listen). I had heard this statement more than I cared to. Finally, one day, I asked her “well if you aren’t happy with your pay why don’t you get another job that pays more or apply for another position with a higher salary in the company?”
Her response was “I like this job. I don’t want the responsibility of manager and I’ve been here too long. I’m not willing to lose my seniority and start all over at a new company.”
Simply put, I value a job with less responsibility and my tenure more than I do salary. It really is that simple. And that’s okay. What’s not okay is to continue to complain or live a life of “I wish’s” when the reality is you just place value and priority on something else.
So, I’ll ask you. What areas of your life are you unhappy or feel unfulfilled with? What do you often find yourself saying “I wish I could” or “I wish I had”. Do you really wish or are you just placing a higher priority on something else in your life?
If you truly want to do, be, or have the things you say you wish you could the only person who can do, be, or have them is you.
| Who and what I am spending my time and energy on now | Who and what I cherish and value | The shift in Behaviors that must be made to spend my time on who and what I value |